For centuries we women have taken our husband’s surname on marriage. We really had no choice! In fact, until the late 19th century, we technically ceased to exist as a person and became our husband’s ‘chattel’!
Admittedly there were rare exceptions where a family name and /or ancestral estates made it advantageous for the husband to change his surname to that of his new wife. But this only happened when there were obvious advantages to the man! Children automatically received their father’s surname.
Today, it is more acceptable for women to retain their own surname on marriage or, alternatively to hyphenate it. However, the children receive their father’s surname if their parents are married and generally their mother’s surname if they are not legally married.
What a mix up! Centuries of protocol continue the status quo! Certainly, this is one kettle of fish with which I will not meddle!
Rather my concern is for the outcome of this system on married women in these days of search engines like Google, Facebook and other social media sites which provide a general ability to find acquaintances wherever they may now reside.
This ability is denied to any married women and their friends who followed the traditional name change rules!
Since all my school friends who married did take their husband’s surname and many, like myself, moved away from their original area, it is impossible for me to reconnect with those who may still be alive after these many years!
Basically, when a woman takes her husband’s name, she appears to have vanished from the face of the earth in our connected world of today.
Yes, I can be found on Google under my original name! Hilariously, I am listed as a ‘Film Actress’, courtesy of my single occurrence one of a long list of extras for a film made in my hometown when I was thirteen! I worked a total of six days! Other than this sole event I have vanished from the face of the earth!
My old High school has been closed, my College has been absorbed into Gloucester University, and, since we ourselves emigrated to Canada, I cannot even make use of casual mutual acquaintances to provide some history of their new names!
So I say to all women, when you marry, whether or not you choose to change your name legally, perhaps because of your own beliefs or to provide cohesion and clarity for your children, make sure that you retain your birthname as part of any on-line social activities!
It may not seem important today, but trust me, fifty or years on, you will regret the inability to reconnect with long ago classmates, or perhaps other casual friends and neighbours.